I still clearly remember that day.

It was in Alfonso 10 years ago. I was crazy chasing the guy I liked. I dragged my best friend chasing him to the point that we were almost busted. (Although I really think he knew everything.) We were walking downhill when the rain poured down. Following dramas I watched, I let myself get drenched in rain, hoping he'd share his umbrella with me. But things happened differently. Someone unexpectedly lent me his handkerchief to cover myself. I know it doesn't really help, but that simple gesture is enough to make my heart waver.


I never imagined how much has happened in the last 10 years! I never realized how much things changed.

I realized, I couldn't really separate them that much. Whenever I think of one, the other always follows. They always seem to be together in my memories.

The last 10 years taught me that whatever choices you make in life, you will always have "what ifs". Choices made could make you more or less regretful than the other, but "what ifs" would still pop itself out every now and then. What if I followed my mind than my heart, would I be in the same situation now?

I know I somehow deserve this. Dumping someone who has been silently with you over someone who already hurt you is stupid! I know I don't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve someone like me, but what's annoying with life is that it keeps giving me those old feelings back again. What's worse is that situations have changed. He's no longer the same guy I chased 10 years ago. He's no longer the same guy who waited and cared for me all those years. Is life playing with me?

This crazy girl dropped subtle hints which I guess he noticed but no positive feedback received so I guess it's time to let go. Would he realize that I am referring to him when he reads this? Would he even take time to read this in the first place? Should I ask him to let me know his thoughts?